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All the Days of My Life

Why do we want to follow our loved one? We have those still here who love us, who we love, yet our deepest desire, beyond having them back, is to follow them. Each day is a battle to live and a question to ourselves as to why we still do. It is not our love for others that hold us here though eventually, that may become the reason. At first, I felt no love, no caring for anything. It was not just…

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Learning to Survive

Looking back to how life was before Tim lost his fight, I see that, in it’s own way, it was good. I had both my kids who had kids of their own. Times could be hard, but we always made it through. I look back and see now, what I didn’t see then. We all have blinders on to the absolute suffering of others. Some have a natural empathy that though they have not suffered personally, they feel others…

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Broken Bridges-Mending Hearts

Grief does not take a holiday to allow you time to breath. It does not wait for you to wake in the mornings or watch a calendar for a certain amount of time to lapse so it can go to the next person. It does not ask permission to take up residence in your heart for the rest of your life. Grief strips you down past the bare bones of who you thought you were. It changes you so drastically that you…

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Hope and Light

Things that were once so simple become mountains of impossibilities. Something as easy as rinsing dishes change in our eyes to a rushing flood of torrent rains. Laundry is the Swiss Alps. Cooking is a brunt pan on the stove because we forgot we were cooking. Driving is not advised. The mind wonders and you can’t remember how you got from point ‘A’ to point ‘Z’ and you freak. Normal thought does…

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Between Two Worlds

The one thing in life that we cannot really wrap our minds around is death. Yes, we know all things die and eventually, we will too, but in our hearts, we don’t believe that. From birth, we think we are forever and in some ways we are. Forever in the minds and hearts of those who love us until they pass. Forever in whatever our beliefs may be. Yet, we cannot conceive of the death of those we…

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It Only Takes a Moment

It Only Takes a Moment

Did you turn a blind eye, over those long terrible years and not see what was in front of you? Did you turn your back when you were most needed and then, you wonder why? I’ll tell you why, the short part of a long history. I’ll tell you, but, once again, you won’t listen. You will turn your back, once again.

It started well enough, hidden behind the mask. No one, absolutely no one, saw it in the…

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10 posts!

10 posts!

A Higher State of Being

A Higher State of Being

At the stroke of death, most of those left behind become different, changed. We see everything different, think different, feel different, react different. I don’t know if it is a permanent change or only lasts through the deepest of the grief. I don’t know if it is a tool that occurs to protect us, teach us, make us more aware, all of these things. We do become more aware though. Almost too much…

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Can You Read the Signs

Can You Read the Signs

To love deeply, we become more and less then who we were. Where once we were one, we become part of someone else. We become mom, dad, sister, brother, lover. When that love is taken from us, we lose ourselves. We lose who we think we are. That loss is devastating. We become mired in wondering who we are for we think we have become nothing. Am I still a mom, dad, sister, brother, wife to the one…

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Forgiveness?

Sigh, this is not a ‘feel good piece’ about how you should forgive for your own sake. Forgiveness is a tricky bird. You can say you forgive and find out later that deep in your heart, the blame rages on. To be honest, I do not get ‘forgive’ and set yourself free. For some people, they need to do that. For me, not so much. For years, I have forgiven others their transgressions against me, always…

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